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The date is February 4, 1966, in Golden Valley, MN; a beautiful little girl is born much to the delight of her mother Margarete and her father Harold. That was me, Janice Elizabeth Suhr. I was always the apple of my father’s eye. Harold, my father was rock solid…until that fateful day in 1978 when he was diagnosed with an unknown metastatic cancer and lymphoma. I was just 11 and my family was shaken to the core -- not sure what to do. We participated in the original “I Can Cope” seminar for one day, but it was not enough. I had so many questions and even felt embarrassed by my father’s bald and scarred head. My family did the best they could until he died from cancer four years later. So many unanswered questions lingered for me and my brothers: Why did it happen? Who caused it? What are we going to do? Why? Why?
Even though my mother was very loving and my brothers protective, I, like any normal teenager, turned outward to my friends for support. Though they did not know what I was going through, I felt comfort in their presence and tried to live a “normal” high school life. I wished there was someone who could really relate to this loss that could help show me the way through my grief.
Fast forward to March 25, 1997, I am now 31, an elementary school teacher, married to Benjamin Haines, and hoping for a family of my own. On this day we were both excited as we prepared for a trip to Cozumel, Mexico the next day. That morning I had to go in for a routine check-up. I pointed out the “lumps” in my stomach to my doctor. These lumps were overlooked once before by a doctor as were swollen lymph glands, two years previous.
This time, however, a CT was ordered and taken. The results of those scans, given by a radiologist over her lunch break while eating a half eaten sandwich, will eternally resonate: “stage 4, B cell non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.” I, like my father, was told I had a form of cancer considered “incurable.” What are we going to do? Why? Why? Once again, those same questions I had as young girl came flooding back to me as an adult as I was trying to build my own family.
I know first hand that cancer is not only a disease of the individual, but also a disease of the entire family. My husband and I are fighters. Even through the tears of those first frightening days, weeks, and months, we fought. Unable to remain teaching in my classroom, I worked as a volunteer to help found a program that supported children who have a parent with cancer and their families. Years later, this program evolved into Facing Cancer Together (FaCT) and is now a program of Angel Foundation, in Minneapolis Minnesota.
FaCT is an educational support program offered free of charge for children and families who have a parent with cancer. We offer an educational series several times a year, family retreat days, teen outreach, and a Kids kamp for children 5-18 who have a parent or a grandparent who has cancer. In addition to FaCT, Angel Foundation supports families facing cancer by providing much needed financial assistance for emergency non-medical needs such as rent or mortgage, grocery or gas cards, and utility bills.
I know what these families are going through and can empathize with the children and teens as they navigate their parent’s cancer. I know those same frightened children are asking the very questions I asked, “Did I cause my daddy’s cancer?” “Can I catch cancer?” “Who is going to take care of me?”
Over the years I was in and out of treatment and trying to find the right oncologist for me. When I was told by a local doctor that I would be on dialysis for life, that’s when we found that perfect doctor for me. My tenacious and vigilant husband contacted Dr. Witzig at Mayo Clinic and I have been on board with him ever since. The Mayo Clinic has been truly exceptional in its care and attention.
There has been no sign of cancer for the past 6 years and I am enjoying life as co-director of FaCT, being a wife to my wonderful husband, Ben, and being the mother to our daughter, Lyuda, who joined our family from Ukraine when she was 16 months old.
Today, FaCT is an incredible program that has helped hundreds of families to-date. I have had the opportunity to watch as so many of those once young, worried children are now volunteer teen mentors at FaCT. They offer strength to those children who are going through what they went through. They “get it.” They understand. I am so proud of them- FaCT families as well as Angel Foundation staff and volunteers.
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